Gratitude…Without the Guilt
‘Tis the season for reflecting on what you’re thankful for — there’s a whole holiday dedicated to it! Practicing gratitude can have beautiful consequences including feeling closer to friends and family, living more in the present, and happier mood. This is why I encourage all clients to practice gratitude this time of year, whether sharing thoughts with loved ones, journaling, or meditating. But with gratitude can also come… guilt!
Am I being grateful enough?
Am I showing enough thanks and appreciation?
Am I deserving of what I have?
These thoughts (and many others!) are so common during the holidays and especially this year when a devastating war has broken out in Gaza and mass shootings continue throughout the United States. It can be hard to express gratitude without feeling phony, hypocritical, and judge ourselves — all offshoots of the guilt emotion. But gratitude for others also has to come with grace for ourselves. Here’s some ways to release guilt this time of year:
Remind yourself that the issues of the world were not caused by you and cannot be solved by you alone. As individuals, we are sometimes made to feel guilty for not doing enough in challenging times, but taking care of yourself and your family IS enough. Societal change and government institutions don’t happen overnight nor occur on an individual level, so it is unrealistic and unhelpful to put these major issues on yourself. Just by acknowledging what is happening in the world and the grief that comes with that is enough.
Remind yourself that two competing emotions can happen at once, and that’s totally okay! You can experience joy while spending time with your family, while experiencing sadness over a war or death. You still deserve warmth, food, and safety, even when not everyone is able to get the same. Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches us that opposing emotions can co-exist and are valid.
Give back in a way that feels authentic. There’s no such thing as the Gratitude Olympics! Giving back can look like a variety of things—maybe it’s volunteering, maybe it’s spending time with an elderly relative, maybe it’s choosing an organization to donate time or goods to, or maybe this year, it’s just focusing on keeping yourself healthy! You are not ‘bad’ based on how you choose to support your community and yourself.
Sending you all support and self-love this holiday season!